Most said it was over priced, over crowded and that they put weird glowing fish eggs on everything. Most people talked of the congestion but when I arrived in Tokyo on the first day of the trip I quickly learnt that being 5 foot 11 meant the claustrophobic amounts of condensed people didn’t really bother me and I was able to breath with ease and keep a regular look out for vending machines at all times (see Do’s section). I learnt that the price of most things was actually average in the world today unless you live in a paper barn in Armenia or you are a Moron, sorry I meant Mormon, no wait, I meant Moron.
The fish egg thing was pretty spot on though and I’m still wondering when they will eventually hatch inside me.
The Japanese have taken vending machines to the next level, if I had to guess I would say there are now more vending machines in Japan than there are succeeding births. I managed to fuel my whole trip by simply living off the innards of vending machines, situated on every corner in every place imaginable. Once there was a vending machine outside a coffee shop, I bought a hot coffee from the shop and then proceeded to buy a cold one from the vending machine. I didn’t even know it had happened.
I had heard about Kobe beef because it involved a pre slaughter rub down for all the cattle, while listening to classical music and drinking 4 pints of beer every day. Apparently it relaxes the cows that much that the meat becomes much more tender and delicious. I just wanted to say I’d eaten a drunken cow, so we went one evening and it was seriously the best beef I’ve ever tasted, as for the stories, maybe take it with a pinch of salt.
“While the rest of the world understands the horrific destructive poisons found inside cigarettes, Japan and probably most of eastern Asia is still on it like its 1981”
I hate being that cliché guy, who thanks everyone for being so welcoming and that he’s #blessed for being involved in BMX and that BMX brought us together, ra ra blah shut up. Seriously that’s been written down a thousand times, we live and a thousand times, we live this everyday and BMX is a connection we all share that gives us opportunities to travel and help others, it’s great but we know it. I do think the Japanese people go that extra mile though in terms of making you feel like safe, wanted and never lost. The level of respect and self-effacement is astounding. In other words, it beats going to Hull for the weekend.
We seriously found a lot of good street to ride in Kobe. If you plan a trip to Japan, go to Kobe and just drift around. You shouldn’t get hassled as much as Tokyo too because everyone’s out massaging cows and getting rich from it.
Don’t rely on what you think is a bakery. It isn’t, it’s usually a lair of biochemical mind-altering pastries injected with green lizard brains and probably fish eggs somewhere. If you come from England or any ‘cautiously shy about foreign food’ country then you need to stick to water and air (the air may include fish eggs). I once asked for a corned beef pasty and I received half a dragon wrapped in bird egg cream, quadruple bagged and stuffed with ectoplasm.
ACTUALLY RIDING A BMX IN TOKYO
Street riding in Tokyo takes a bit of time. You may have to deal with some incredible angry security that may or may not have ever seen a youth on a BMX. The security guards like to run in Tokyo, they do that frantically insane run very well like Godzilla is approaching because he wants to feed of the scent of a feeble grind. My only advice is to get in and get what you want fast, most spots you can wave goodbye to a decent session. The further away from Tokyo the better security was, however the initial shock of a load of guys riding bikes on lumps of concrete often catches them off guard, giving you more time to get your clips bagged.
“The security guards like to run in Tokyo, they do that frantically insane run very well like Godzilla is approaching because he wants to feed from the scent of a feeble grind”
While the rest of the world understands the horrific destructive poisons found inside cigarettes, Japan and probably most of eastern Asia is still on it like its 1981, honestly I’m surprised they don’t still fly Concorde. If you enjoy a sociable fag over sushi and sake, go ahead and spark up, it’s fine. However don’t do it on the pavement, where all the fresh air lives or they will fine you.
As an Englishman I feel patriotically satisfied with our 3-pronged sturdy plug and socket combo. Lets face it, we don’t do many things well but we fucking nailed it with the plug. You only appreciate how much you depend on this when you start to travel. What happens is you unpack, search for the wall socket and then quickly work out that the combined weight of a travel adaptor and iPhone charger is simply too much for 2 prongs to hold. JUST PUT A THIRD PRONG ON THERE AND YOU CAN ENJOY ELECTRICITY BETTER.
A simple yet productive after thought.
I may have moaned about plug sockets, smoking around food, bakeries and getting told off for publicly riding a miniature bike; among other things in this article, but I do have a serious end point and it’s something I feel moderately strongly about. Lets ban the distribution and consumption of fish eggs, I mean seriously common lads; you are basically eating something that is meant to hatch and go on a water based swim bender, not fester in your intestines like a regular pasty or Sunday roast. Honestly, it’s creepy. With that said I want to thank the lovely people of Japan for taking us under their fishy wings and granting us the key to the city of neon constructed madness.
Massive thanks to ZEN distro, Yossy and all the guys for keeping things solid.
Special thanks to Rehito Murata, Daisuke Maja & Yugo for being absolute dudes.